Saynts Preserve Us!

Some of my favorite names these days are religious names. Or, more appropriately, names people think are religious names. I've got a whole folder here in my bookmarks, full of such gems as:

Testament Venaycia S'mya (a girl, I believe)

Elijahanae Heavenly Sincere (a girl)

Sunni (inadvertently religious, I suspect)

Poor little Christain.

Messiah Corion

Serinity Divine

Jesus Alondra (perhaps not unusual, until you realize it's a girl)


So these aren't Adonai Vita or anything, but they're not exactly great. Particularly Messiah. They always say not to name your kids Chastity or Temperance or Joy, in case they don't live up to their names. Can you imagine how little Messiah will feel about that?

I generally only come across these sorts of names in birth announcement rubbernecking, but a recent post on a certain baby names board has brought up the issue of religious names in a very immediate way:

Can we have some feedback on our names? We are due with a little Miracle in June. We are a Christian family from Virginia. I am Lexi and my fiance is Noah. My son Messyah Kenyon is 21 months. I picked a very spiritual name for hm- Messyah has a lot of meaning for me. It was the Lord who guided me through his birth and raising him on his own until I met my fiance. My fiance and I have picked out a few names for our daughter. We have many connections to these names.

Kryshna Faith

Maddox (Maddie for short, we know if means son of the lord but we feel our daughter is just as much a miracle as my son)

Praisee (means to Pray). We like the alternate spelling Prayslee as well.

Miracle (she is our true Miracle. Without her, Noah and i have would never have fallen in love so quickly)

Destiny (she is our future)

Angel (as she is sent from heaven).

We like the middle name Fayth. My mom's name is Fayth.


...

Wow. Wow. Where can I even start? WOW.

Normally I would start with the most egregious thing that jumps out at me. The trouble with this post is, what doesn't jump out at me? Um... well... Let's go in order. Messyah. This is a perfect example of why parents should run names through Microsoft Word beforehand. "Messyah." "Do you mean 'Messy Ah'?" Ahh, thank you, Clippy! I might have missed that! There'd be nothing worse than being a sloppy version of Jesus!

Kryshna Fayth. This poster reiterates in later posts that she wants a "strong Christian name." I'm not sure she understand that the "Krishna Faith" is generally regarded to be Hinduism.

Maddox, meaning "son of the Lord." If it weren't for the fact that Maddox is actually a surname meaning 'son of Madoc', this wouldn't be so bad. Except that she wants to put it on her miracle daughter. Why is it that every child is a miracle, anyway? Isn't that what the human body is designed for? How is it a miracle if a woman in her twenties gets knocked up by a casual boyfriend for the second time? It would probably be more of a miracle if this woman knew how to use a condom, don't you think? (In case you are wondering, I pray for miracles daily). Maybe the real miracle is that the poster didn't realize how terrible the sentence "Without her, Noah and i have would never have fallen in love so quickly" sounds. The best love stories coincide with accidental pregnancies, it seems.

Praisee. I'm not sure how "Prayslee" is an "alternate spelling" of this, seeing as there's an L in it. I'm trying to come up with an etymology for this 'name' - perhaps we are "praisers" and God is the "praisee?" And then she could have two kids named God! Sweet!

Subsequent posters tried to dissuade her, but she won't budge. She did admit that she liked Godiva and Nevaeh though. She says, "Nevaeh's a traditional Welch girls name. Maybe it is not appropriate since we are not welch." Forget Eel Heaven - what about GRAPE HEAVEN??